Be a coach, not a naysayer

Here’s an excerpt from my second book, The Likeability Factor.
“When I think about the most likeable and unlikeable characters in my own life, I remember Timmy, a friend’s older brother. A fine musician, Timmy had moved to Los Angeles and become an instant success–he always got gigs and he made a good deal of money.
One day Timmy was visiting his brother in Tucson where I was living and I talked to him about my career frustration. My band had played only fifteen shows in the previous year and even those had been sparsely attended. Regardless of how much we practiced, we couldn’t generate a dedicated following.
When I told this to Timmy, he simply shrugged his shoulders and said, “Let me tell you about my experience. If you rock, the crowds will double every week and someone will offer you a deal. No way I’d do fifteen gigs without having a big crowd. You’re in a real bad place there.”
To this day I still remember how terrible I felt after that conversation. In contrast, a week later I met a musician named Joe, the bass player in a successful local reggae band. I shared my problems with Joe, too. Although he was also successful, Joe, trying hard to understand how I felt, blurted out how uncomfortable he knew it must be to stand in front of those small crowds, and how bad he felt. Was there anything he could do to help?
For years I basked in the glow of his kindness, and his likeable personality helped me accept some of his advice, no matter how difficult. Frankly, he suggested I take vocal lessons. I swallowed my pride and did it. My performance improved, and our crowds’ size grew. I learned through Joe that a sensitive advisor is an effective coach.
The next time someone is struggling, and comes to you for advice, take a deep breath and show some sympathy and empathy. You’ll he or she feel better – and your advice will likely make a bigger difference in the long run.”

Buy one of the last copies of my DVD with Better Life Media: The L Factor